The real estate agent was meshugana.

 

The nebbish invested in vestments

like a klutz.

 

But putting a church next to our temple

showed some real chutzpah

like a mentsh.

 

Turns out

the priest next door,

of course a goy, is

not an ordinary guy.

 

We baptized him

you could say,

and ordained him.

 

He’s anointed

a goyim apostle

of kvetch and schmooze.

 

That mentsh can

kibitz like a saint.

 

He said mazel tov to

the rabbi’s holy orders

for some reubens

with lots of slaw.

 

***

 

Priest and rabbi knew

what mattered.

That we mavens

wanted to nosh.

 

But the plan

had a glitch, bubelah

because some schmuck

had to schlep it

who was a shmendrik

and a schmoe.

​

And the synagogue

heard a demagogue

not want pickles on the side.

 

The convent *

full of shiksas rang like

a tabernacle of oy veh.

 

The cantor ignored

this sac relig,

sang a song

of deli praise

but the monastery 

fell to its knees.

 

The dogma of the diocese

dripped with guilt and

fell to forgive me fathers

for this glitch.

 

Hail Mary’s soon would follow 

for communion with this sin

of the order

from Hymies Delicatessen.

 

But everyone knew

that the parish

just wanted to nosh.

 

***

 

Next door

we tried to pass the time

by putting tchotchkes

in the temple

menorahs of heresy.

​

But peons in

church and temple

were flat out starved

and wanted to nosh.

 

An evangelist offered Eucharist

a deacon droned dogma

and the bishop, benediction.

 

But the ministry just wanted to nosh.

 

The cantor lead a minion

and the priest some sacraments.

 

The spiels were cockamamie

like a conclave in a convent

like a yenta talking sense.

 

We didn’t care if it was kosher

or if the parish offered penance.

 

We all just wanted to nosh.

 

 

 

 

​

*The shiksa set me straight…my wife Colleen corrected me when I wrote about the seminary full of shiksas…thus the convent full of shiksas.